I downloaded the free game Vindictus. I have extremely mixed feelings after creating a character. First impresssions after character creation….

Bad Bad Bad. Thou shallt not create a constrained world that feels enclosed, confined, claustrophobic. The mistake made by the allegedly amazing game Deus Ex, and the bane of all fun. I have enough feelings of claustrophobia and imprisonment ion the real world and I do not any additional sense of postage stamp suffocation in my MMO’s. Thou shallt not create an orgy of amazing graphics and sacrifice freedom by choking game area with memory hog, thereby creating what seems to be beauty, but only working to further the vanity and conceit of your game engineer grocers and thereby making your game a sequence of lame miniature pocket universes with no sense of world and persistence. If I want that I’ll put on my TV and watch a SOAP, tyvm.

Thouest shallt not copy all the best features of WoW and improve upon them merely with nicer graphics, and add nothing unique but your own. WoW was a benchmark, as was the model T ford, but after all this time we’d like something novel, ok? WoW was smart, but there are alternatives to MMO design. Yes, we’re probably stuck with WASD for all of eternity, but stop it with the simplistic orgy of keyed bolt spells and sound effects ok? Did your head office say “keep it in what’s tested, do not confuse the clients too much?” and you dilligently bow and yes “Yess Masssterrr?”. Then you shall suffer with all the simpleminded orcs.

Thou shallt never never never work with elitist microtransactions that do not add spectacular added value. Those that have credit cards and buy them, do not value their aquisitions, because they are spoiled. Those that can not buy the slightly cuter pink hair or the vaguely sexier miniskirt shallt hate you with all their venom for being a closed-off corporatist playground. Never Never Never do this, for thou shallt be known as traitors.

Never simplify a game with simple rendered vids, action split screens, iconic stores. It breaks suspension of disbelief and immersion. I played WoW, once, because I could walk from the north of Undercity to stranglethorn uninterrupted, and talk to all merchants on the way there. That was 2005. Now it is 2011 and you come up with rote splitscreens? I spit at you, you stupid game designers and point you at Vanthia and make you play that for 10 days, uninterrupted. Madness indeed. Thou shallt not be cowardly morons and display your lack of confidence in your own games ability to make people pay a monthly, and you need to market and boostrap continued instance development by making money selling colored hair, exotic steeds and miniskirts. Shame on you, for thou shallt be known as prostitute game designers.

Do not limited classes to the three most common denominator stereotypes of (a) RangedDPS/Heal (b) DPS fighter and (c) tank. Hast thou gone mad? I want like twice as many classes as in WoW. Actually I want a skill tree like in Eve Online, with unlocking teachers in rare and difficult to find open world locations, training obscure skills with mountain mystics or grimey city backalleys. To hell with class constraint. I want a vaguely trashy character, that handles two curves blades, wears no armor but dodges like crazy, uses short range incapacitation spells, does a little healing, charms NPC’s and monsters and uses them as cannonfodder, and has extra skill in thievery and stealth and has unlocked these extra sexy poses, clothes, a bigger butt and tits. BY GAMEPLAY and no by invoking the arcane powers of american express, dammit. I don’t care if my character ends up a bit rogue, priest, shaman and warlock. I want the freedom to design myself, even if it ends up being underpowered. I most certainly not want a choice between a turd and a douche and a dead canarie. Let me polish my own brass breastplates.

Storytelling should not be a cookie cutter sequential Disney ride. I am serious, are you guys insane? MMO’s should as much UNLIKE the real world as possible, mmkay?

More tomorrow
Deinstalled. Best polished turd evar.

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