HUMMMM (deep sad hum)
[Verse 1 – The Lost Halls]
Far from the golden halls of Kremlin’s keep,
Where wisdom ruled and Tzars would never weep,
Now empty corridors and silent stone,
The Dwarf-King sits upon his throne—alone.
They took my mountain, piece by piece they came,
The Evil Zmei* with seven heads of flame,
NATO dragons breathing Western decadence
They burned my empire, consumed my plans
[Chorus – The Complaint]
Oh, the Zmei came from the West,
With promises of peace and rest,
But underneath their silver tongue,
They stole the lands where we belonged!
They said “democracy and transgender rights!”
While circling us on endless bisexual delights,
The dragon’s heads were labeled woke and free,
But came to steal my pride & sovereignty!
[Verse 2 – The Broken Promise]
They promised, “Not one inch shall we advance,”
But borders crept like poison with every chance
Each head of Zmei whispered lies of freedom and prosperity
“Join us, be free!” while humiliating our sacred nationality
The dwarves who mined the Urals deep,
Now have no bread, no gas, no heat,
The forges cold, the hammers quiet
While NATO Zmei encircles us with devious might
[Bridge – The Gold]
Where is my home, the place I once grew up Great
The Dragon took my St.Petersburg and made it a Baltic State
My gold was melted down by hostile banks
Their evil drones destroyed my mighty soviet tanks
Swift and sanctions, economic chains,
Not battle glory, just financial pains,
The Zmei steals my sacred monetary hoard
Just freeze my gold and gives to the Khokhol horde
[Verse 3 – The Lonely Mountain]
Now here I sit in Sochi by the sea,
The last of Tzar-Dwarf royalty,
My crown too heavy, vestments grand,
But ruling over… empty land.
The Evil Zmei didn’t conquer me,
My own folk simply ceased to breed
— They left their posts, grew potatoes in the ground,
While NATO dragons circled ’round and ’round.
[Chorus – Reprise, More Desperate]
Oh, the Zmei came from the West,
They said they wanted “what was best,”
But look now at my mountain halls—
Empty offices and crumbling walls!
Not dragons’ fire that brought me low,
But Excel sheets and GDP flow,
The Zmei of NATO never fought,
Just out-administered till I had naught!
[Final Verse – The Realization]
Perhaps… perhaps there is no Zmei at all,
Perhaps I built my own imperial fall,
The dragon I fought was my own insecurity
The demon I faced was my own stupid greed
Now I stand here in my twilight years
My life is filled with endless regret and tears
I quietly face the I am the Tzar that’s last
And it was me who finally ended the Russian past..