Act 1: A Normal Catch-Up, Until…
Guy B (Clueless, Nostalgic):
“Man, remember XYZ? Dude was such a lore freak. Built entire D&D worlds from scratch. Best DM ever. He always played that shit annoying succcubus character—what was her name again? The one he played like she was real?”
Guy A (Knowing Everything, Smirking):
“Khannea.”
Guy B:
“Yeah! That’s the one! Dude played her like she was some dark, hedonistic, aristocratic succubus. Always seducing, manipulating, breaking the world. Wasn’t even just a character—was like a fcking force of nature in the campaign. What ever happened to XYZ anyway?”*
Guy A (Pauses, Takes a Sip, Prepares for Impact):
“Bro, you’re not ready.”
Guy B:
“Pffft, try me. What, did he finally get laid? Get married? Start a family?”
Guy A (Grinning, Leaning in Like He’s About to Drop Forbidden Knowledge):
“XYZ became Khannea.”
Guy B (Laughs, Blinks, Processing):
“…What? I demand explantion…?”
Guy A:
“I’m not joking. He went full trans. Full gender transition. Renamed herself Khannea. But not just Khannea, dude. She became the fucking character. Like, down to the whole lifestyle. We’re talking full-blown cyberpunk-matriarch-sex-cult-demoness energy. Gangbangs. Swinger clubs. Fetish parties. Insider on Wasteland – The works.”*
Guy B (Laughing, Confused):
“Nah, no way! He was a straight dude! Into goth ballerinas! Didn’t he marry one? What was her name… [Censored]? Damn, she was pretty. Weren’t they all about anal? “
Guy A:
“Yeah. And two years BEFORE he met [Censored], he played Oona in a WoD campaign—who was basically 90% [Censored] literally before [Censored] even existed. Piercings. Dancer. Fetish model. Half-Asian. Dude’s subconscious straight-up prophesied his own wife. I have seen drawings from 1993, they met in 1995. Yes character she created was into anal, future wife was also into anal. Both ways actually, she with a strapon. “
Guy B (Starting to Sweat):
“Wait. You’re telling me he first imagined his perfect woman, then married a real-life version of her, and THEN—”
Guy A (Holding Back Laughter):
“Then became his own sick sexual fantasy. Yes.”
Act 2: The Existential Breakdown
Guy B (In Total Cognitive Dissonance):
“No. No, no, no. Are you telling me that our XYZ—the guy who played a fcking sorceress in fishnets with dagger heels—just woke up one day and was like ‘Screw it, I am Khannea now’… and then went off to become a fcking succubus in real life?”
Guy A:
“YES. EXACTLY THAT. But not overnight. You ever hear about caterpillars? How they dissolve inside cocoons and then rebuild themselves? That’s what happened. Fucking irony is he scores more woman as a woman than ever before… “
Guy B (Eyes Widening in Terror):
“Wait. So you’re telling me… while I was sitting here, running vanilla campaigns, getting old, going to my boring-ass job… XYZ morphed into a fcking high-society sex sorceress and now lives a life straight out of some underground Berlin cyberpunk novella???”*
Guy A:
“You’re catching on. Also, she would absolutely approve of that description.”
Guy B (Clutching Drink Like It Holds the Last Threads of His Sanity):
“I have… so many questions.”
Guy A (Smirks, Sips Beer, Loving This Moment):
“Bro. You and everyone else.”
Act 3: The Meltdown
Guy B (Losing It):
“Wait, wait, wait. Hold the fck up. So Khannea just straight-up deleted the male character sheet and went full succubus homebrew class? And now she’s out here rolling Nat 20s on orgies while I can’t even get a damn text back?”*
Guy A (Casually, Like Dropping a Bombshell):
“Oh, it’s worse, my dude. Not only is she out there thriving—she’s an urban legend now. People whisper her name in neon-lit fetish clubs like she’s the Boogeywoman of Hedonism. I go the Showboat with my wife and ask, you actually know Khannea, several people nod -yes- and start laughing, like oh that one… They let her in for free. “
Guy B (Mouth Open, Staring Blankly):
“You mean to tell me I’ve been sitting here playing D&D with the same three dudes for 15 years while Khannea just walked into a high-society masquerade dungeon and rolled advantage on 12 different partners at once?”
Guy A:
“Buddy, she’s the fcking Raid Boss of polysexual indulgence. You’d need at least a full adventuring party and a supply of stamina potions just to keep up. She iks bragging online her record on a single night is … get this … 27, and then she always adds – ‘and we are not talking blowjobs’…“
Guy B (Shaking A’s Collar, Desperate):
“HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?! WHERE IS THE WALKTHROUGH?! IS THERE A PATCH NOTES UPDATE?!”
Guy A (Deadpan):
“There is, but it’s only available in members-only Telegram groups.” (shows image evidence)
Guy B (Screaming into the Void, Echoing Through the Bar):
“NNNNOOOOOOOO—!!!”