A Glorious Vision of Technocratic Eugenics, Market-Optimized Womb Efficiency, and the Ultimate Dogecoin Utopia
Welcome to Elonia, Where the Future Has a Fertility Rate
Are you tired of poverty? Sick of rent? Frustrated that your biological function isn’t being properly monetized? Elon Musk has the solution: a futuristic, state-funded, contract-based reproductive commune designed for those who are willing to stop whining and start generating value—one government-subsidized baby at a time.
Elonia isn’t just a place to live. It’s a philosophy, an investment, a living experiment in market-driven eugenics. Funded through the (DOGGING) Department Of Government Guaranteed Infertillity Neutralization by Grants – it takes the best parts of Silicon Valley, a Mormon compound, and a Soviet five-year plan and engineers a new breed of humans—because that’s how progress works, baby.
The Contract: Sell Your Soul, But Make It Reproductive
Life in Elonia is free—with a few tiny conditions. Couples (heterosexual, obviously, because nature and science) must have at least three children to enter. To maintain residency, they must produce one additional offspring every two years. If, for whatever selfish reason, you decide not to contribute to the GDP of the future—well, there’s the door (and by “door” we mean the nearest labor camp in Mississippi).
To ensure that our Future Optimal Citizens™ are properly raised, Elonia operates under the careful guidance of DOGGING (Department Of Government Generated Infertility Neutralisation via Grants), which monitors all children for compliance. Expect regular inspections. Failure to meet expectations (malnutrition, truancy, questioning authority) may result in relocation of assets (i.e., your kids).
What Do You Get in Return? The Ultimate Family Subscription Package
Life in Elonia isn’t just tolerable—it’s a dream. Here’s what you, as a Certified Value Unit (formerly known as “citizens”), receive:
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A free house – Spacious, efficient, outfitted with Neuralink-controlled appliances and 24/7 surveillance for safety (and compliance!), taking major influences from the Truman show.
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Basic income – Paid in Dogecoin, the only currency that matters. Your finances are secured by the “Trust Us, This Is Fine” blockchain economy.
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Unlimited energy – Provided by Tesla Powerwalls, ensuring that your artificial wombs stay charged.
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Education for your brood – A streamlined curriculum focusing on STEM, AI integration, obedience, and military preparation for the upcoming Martian colonization efforts.
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Healthcare – Free Neuralink upgrades so your children can communicate directly with Tesla autopilot systems before they hit puberty.
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Security – Autonomous Tesla drones enforce harmony and ensure that unauthorized thoughts don’t disrupt the Glorious Breeding Initiative.
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Woke-free Environments – because in paradise there are no ShitLibs.
- Women with beta cuck Husbands – Because Elonia will offer you a special quality controlled sperm package from the absolute best sources.
Who Qualifies for Elonia? (Hint: Not You, Probably)
This opportunity of a lifetime is not for everyone. Participants must meet the following criteria:
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IQ 120 or higher (Muskian exceptionalism at work).
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Genetic quality (all applicants will be sequenced and compared against the “Model DNA”, which, coincidentally, overwhelmingly favors Caucasians. Don’t ask why, it’s just science).
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Willingness to surrender independent thought (unless your thoughts involve faster breeding techniques).
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No prior felony convictions (unless they were committed in pursuit of innovation, corporate management or the Trump organization slash Presidency).
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Strict adherence to traditional gender roles (no exceptions, no alternatives, no discussions. Only Real Men™ and Real Women™ make it in).
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Fast-track program for non-US immigrants, as long as they are white (because the only diversity that matters is a variety of acceptable European accents). Some exceptions might be possible for hot asian chicks who do a good Ahegao.
For those who fail to qualify, Musk has proposed Alternative Productivity Programs—such as mandatory SpaceX construction work, Hyperloop excavation labor, or testing the first Neuralink-to-Neuralink direct-to-advertisement thought-integration system.
The Political Genius of DOGGING Hard
The sheer brilliance of Elonia lies in its seamless integration with the new Musk-controlled US Government. Since Trump officially transferred control of the nation to Elon in exchange for legal immunity, the DogeCoin Reserve now funds essential national services.
Departments Created Under the New Order:
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DOGE (Department Of Government Efficiency) – Optimizing inefficiencies (i.e., funneling public funds into Musk projects).
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DOGGING (Department Of Government Generated Infertility Neutralisation via Grants) – Ensuring no womb goes unfilled.
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DEEPSPACE (Department of Eugenic Expansion for Planetary Supremacy and Colonization Experiments) – Breeding the next generation of off-world overlords.
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SEEN (State-Enforced Elon Neuralink) – Required implants for thought efficiency and ad integration.
What Comes Next? The Future of Muskian Eugenics
The current Elonia Model™ is just the beginning. Future expansions include:
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Elonia Global – Entire continents dedicated to optimized breeding conditions.
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Elonia Mars – Those who exceed the “10 Child Standard” may qualify for the first Martian colonization missions. (Yes, you will die in space, but think of the legacy!)
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Bio-Optimized Offspring – Neuralink-connected womb clusters, eliminating biological inefficiencies (like pregnancy, free will, and variation).
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Replacement Husbands & Wives – If your partner fails to meet state fertility quotas, they will be seamlessly replaced with an AI-generated or clone generated alternative.
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Hyperloop Baby Distribution – No more messy deliveries—newborns will be delivered via high-speed vacuum tube directly to their assigned homesteads.
Final Thoughts: Why Resist?
The choice is simple: surrender to Elonia or be left behind in the decaying ruins of Democracy™.
If you’re still questioning this vision, congratulations! You’re officially Unfit for Breeding™ and will be reassigned to alternative labor functions (e.g., Tesla battery manufacturing, X.com content moderation, or serving as test subjects for Mars Terraforming Experiments).
The future is inevitable. The only question is whether you’ll be a part of it.
So, sign the contract. Take the Muskian Oath. Start contributing to the species. Or, you know, get ready to be outcompeted by genetically-optimized Dogecoin cyborg babies.
Because this train has no brakes, and neither does Elon.