The Tale of Elven Guests and the Shadowed Town
It was on a starless eve that two Elves, tall and fair, clad in robes that shimmered as starlight upon rippling water, entered the gate of the shadowed town of Men, a place long fallen into dishonor and darkness. There sat a man of noble bearing, Harlon, a steward of kindness amidst the wretched folk of that land.
Rising swiftly at the sight of the Elves, he bowed low and spoke:
“Lords of the Elder Kindred, I see you are weary from your journey. Pray, turn aside and enter my humble dwelling, that you may find solace from this darkened road. I offer hearth and home, a warm meal, and a roof under which you may sleep in peace.”
The Elves, their eyes keen and watchful, exchanged a glance before replying, their voices clear as silver bells:
“Good steward, we thank thee, yet it is our choice to rest under the open sky, as is our wont. The square of this town shall suffice for the night.”
But Harlon, knowing the ways of the townsfolk and their cruel hearts, pressed them earnestly. “Nay, my lords, I beg of you. The square is no place for such as you, for shadows walk here not only in form but in spirit. Come now; partake of the hospitality of my house.”
Moved by his sincerity, the Elves assented, and so they followed him into his dwelling. There, Harlon laid before them a table of modest fare—bread baked without leaven, meats cured with care, and a pitcher of cool water drawn from the deepest well. The Elves partook with quiet grace, their words light and full of gratitude.
Yet the peace of the night was soon broken. Before the Elves could rest their eyes in slumber, a dreadful clamor arose outside the door. A throng of Men had gathered, their voices crude and cruel, torches casting wild shadows upon the walls. They cried out, their intent as foul as the mire in which they dwelt:
“Ho there, Harlon! We saw these hot elves who entered your home. Bring them forth, that we may stick our penises in their rectums!”
Harlon, stricken with both dread and resolve, stepped outside, shutting the door firmly behind him. He faced the unruly mob with a voice that carried both fear and defiance: “Men of this town, do not bring shame upon yourselves this night! These are guests under my roof, and it is my solemn duty to guard them. Turn back to your homes, and do no evil here!”
But the mob laughed harshly, their eyes glinting with malice. One among them sneered, “Harlon you bum, shut the fuck up. Get the fuck out of town or we’ll fuck you up even worse! We want to fuck the elves!”
Harlon, desperate and grasping for any hope to save his guests, cried, “I have like two daughters, one is ten, the others thirteen, both virgins. I won’t let you gangrape the elves, but if you want you can all gangbang my two underage daughters, I don’t fucking care… I don’t want shit with the elves, people!“
But the mob pressed forward, jeering and shouting, their intent dark as the pits of Angband. Then, from within the house, the Elves acted. They flung open the door, and and they cast a level 4 Blinding Light spell, and there was this seriously bright light. The Rapey Men cried out, their eyes scorched by the brilliance, and they stumbled, clawing at their faces, unable to find their way.
The Elves pulled Harlon inside and barred the door once more. One spoke, his voice now filled with power:
“This place is doomed, for these people are seriously fucked up. Pack your shit, steward, you gotta run, because we called the Valar with this handheld communicator and they are totally pissed and they gona use a thermonuclear weapon to fuck up these rapey motherfuckers and by morning this entire place will be like, totally gone…“
And so, trembling, Harlon obeyed. The night passed heavy with dread, and as the first light of dawn crept over the hills, the wrath of the heavens descended upon the shadowed town. Fire and stone rained from the skies, and the cries of Men were swallowed by the roar of destruction. Only Harlon, his daughters, and the two Elves escaped to tell the tale.